A free bird

Sometimes I get this dream of flying in the sky, literally flying in the sky. In order to catch something a bit higher, i jump trying to catch it and to my surprise, i started flying. First it seems I can reach up to the target and again to my surprise, i kept on flying as high as i want with such an ease. It seems i can also change my direction using a slight weight shift as in paragliding; no doubt I always wanted to learn paragliding. I can descent up to a height i wanted and ascent again. It feels like I am a free bird, fly in the open sky without any worries and sadness.

It always filled me with enthusiasm, energy, confidence and motivation.

Even in life it seems all the barriers that stop us are actually just made by us. If we really want to do something, we will figure out the way to do it. We just have to try and believe in it.

My philosophy of life is simple; I don't want to complain at the end that I didn't do it, because of someone (family, finance, government policies). I would rather say, I did everything I wanted. If the result is not good enough I am solely responsible for it and anyways watever the end would be, i would be happy that i enjoyed the journey :)

Life is all about taking risks

To have a life full of happiness, you should not be afraid of sorrows.

To get immense love from someone, you should not be afraid of being hated.

To be closest to someone, you should not be afraid of being half world away.

To reach the peak of success, you should not afraid of falling in valley of failures.

Being brought up in a businessman family, i enjoy the life filled with ups and down instead of a plain perfect monotonous routine. Due to same reason i do not wanna be perfect, it is the little imperfections which makes life interesting by sometimes bringing unexpected success or failures with it.

Joined Phd...what for ?

Finally after working in software industry for 4 & 1/4 years (I know it sounds a lot, I could have gotten a five year memento in just 10 more months), I joined a Phd program in Jan 2011.

I am still not sure whether it was a good decision or bad, but I liked someone's lines:

"Everyday we decide to do something and we decide not to do something"....there is no point analyzing much.

Although I always had a dream to do Phd, I had never thought about it seriously and it is still an impulsive decision.

Somewhere in my heart, I have a dream of being a professor. I believe a good professor can have a big impact in the surrounding area. I believe that if we try, India can be best in Education Industry can have a Stanford. I just want to try my best to attain it, and I am happy to have a dream which may not be fulfilled in my life so that I will have something to motivate me till end.

A smaller reason is I also like to read. I am loving reading papers during my phd. I also like to discuss it with everyone who have enough patience to listen me :P. But, I know I am bad at writing, and I do not know about innovation. And I am not sure if I can come up with something of my own. But, I do not care about other stuff and enjoying my reading till now.

Another reason, which may seems stupid is, for me phd also seems like journey of making peace with myself in my life. I want to attain enough knowledge to accept myself and others the way they are and develop some patience. There are some people, who has peace on their face, who are so calm, seems they can handle everything peacefully without getting much frustrated. I just wanna to be like them. That does not mean that accept everything, but try their best to change it without frustrating.

For me, till now, phd seems to be a way to accept that even simple things are not that easy.

Worst of me...

Bura jo dekhan me chala, bura na milya koi....

Jo man khoja aapna, to mujhse bura na koi...

After a long time, I got some time with myself in this last 3-4 months. And it seems it made me realize various new facts about myself.

Since last 3-4 months, every-time I got irritated or angry on someone's behavior, I realized I also behaved in the similar way some other time. This realization at first make me feel more irritated to myself, then confused, then blank. Doesn't know anymore what is correct and what is not. It seems like you do not know yourself et all. And instead of loving yourself,  you will be the last person to get approved by yourself. Then you start trying to find excuses, but your mind is no longer working...

Still confused what to do, accept all those things just because you are worse than that. Or keep not approving it & don't approve yourself as well, when you do it...Somehow don't feel like accepting it...hope the frequency of disapproving myself decrease with time...

Cafe..that makes my day every time, I visit there...

One of the many things that Seattle has given me is love for the coffee. I am not et all a coffee person, but a small walk with a nice dry cappuccino is enough to make my day.

I tried various coffee places in India - cafe mocha, cafe coffee day, barista, costa coffee etc., but could not find that taste and accepted that I won't find that coffee here. Thanks to Abhas, who found this nice cafe, just 15 mins walk from my hostel - Gloria Jean's Cafe. They make it exactly the way I used to have in Seattle.

A Saturday evening could never have been better than walking from the cafe to my hostel while sipping my cappuccino. Feeling happy & peaceful & have forgotten all the worries and loneliness. 

Seattle funjunkies

I think Valentine's day is a good opportunity to tell people that you really care about them; that you love the fact that they are there for you and want to thank them for all they have done in your life.

One such group for me is Seattle fun-junkies. I talked many times about how they helped me settle in Seattle & made my stay there a beautiful memory. Today I wanna talk about their part in our life - me & Abhas. I met Abhas through them; we get to know each other through them, during the dinners, coffee walks, trips, b'day parties etc. Even after wedding, we stayed in India just for a couple of weeks - which also went in meeting a new family almost every day. Our main married life started in Redmond with these folks. The wedding reception I remember is with these people; the formal one - I was too tired and too busy to feel anything. I remember few guests started coming before them, and I got worried but as soon as they came, they took care of everything. They presented a nice play as well (I want a copy of it :(). 

Their company used to define all the celebrations. They were with us in all the events big, small, happy and sad. Sometimes, I feel the apartment as our home because of them. It was fun having dinner, watching movie, watching talent show :P, planning long weekend trip (like solving NP hard problem), planning b'day parties etc. with them. 

Only due to them I was able to stay in Seattle without Abhas for a month. They made sure that I am never alone in the evening and never had to have dinner alone. 

This valentine We just wanted to say - you guys are the awesomest friends. 

Keep rocking - Seattle funjunkies.... 

Falling in love all over again

Two years after the marriage, we decided to go back to school. But, that means living apart for a year, since Abhas has joined MBA program at Paris & I came to IITB for PhD.

Now, I am in Mumbai for more than a month and the first question anyone asks me is how am I feeling without him? Surprisingly, I am doing well; I do not feel like he is far from me. It feels like I went back to pre-wedding days; back to girlfriend mode. And it seems I am falling in love with him all over again :).

I keep reading his small mails over and over again, keep waiting for his call, talking endlessly on phone – I do not remember and it doesn’t matter what we talk about. I just love talking and I just feel he is with me all the time.

Sometimes I feel I found nirvana…hehe…I know it is just because the world has become smaller and more connected :).

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

My Rabbit

It was not just my car; it was my sense of independence, a good company in gloomy days... 

So, in Feb 2007 - i finally managed to learn driving. I still remember Sardarji (my driving instructor) shouting at me "Give the gas", "push accelerator"... 

After getting license, I started looking for a car. I wanted a reasonable priced car for a couple of years. Almost everyone suggested me to buy a used Toyota or Honda. Somehow I didn't feel excited about it. I checked couple of used cars, but as soon you enter the car, you feel that it is someone else’s and you are driving it just for the sole purpose of transportation. So, used cars have been eliminated. I checked almost every model that fit in my range - Mazda2, Nissan Versa & Sentra, Toyota corolla, Honda fit etc. Although Honda & Toyota were most reliable, every other guy had it, and it is boring. Nissan and Mazda were strictly ok. Then, one day UJ randomly told me about Volkswagen rabbit. Next day I went for test drive, I fell in love with it at first test drive. It felt like MY car, a small 2 door hatchback (exactly as I wanted) car, with nice pick-up, 150 hp engine (better than civic). Everyone told me not to buy it - VW is not that reliable, its 2 door - so problematic when your parents will come, etc. etc. But, I knew - that was MY RABBIT. 

I had awesome time with my rabbit. I used to love driving my rabbit; it was not a surprise that it got 12,000 miles in first year :). It played a major role in developing the feeling of independence in me. With my rabbit with me, I do not need any other company. Many times, when I felt lonely, I used to just take my rabbit and go on for a drive in the woods of the evergreen Redmond. With my rabbit with me - I won't think twice before going to a place couple of hundreds of miles away, anytime of the day, driven by some stupid impulsive idea. I just loved driving my rabbit to the beautiful road to hurricane ridge and lake crescent, around the ocean in San Juan Island etc. 

With Seattle, I have to leave my Rabbit as well. But, I am happy that it has been bought by another rabbit lover (the guy used to own a Rabbit earlier in Spain and was looking specifically for Rabbit). 

Even if somehow I would manage to learn driving in Indian traffic, and get a car, but I do not think anyone can take place of my rabbit.