Happy Women's Day

I had never celebrated Women's day. I was not much of a feminist. May be because I never felt the inequality myself (thanks to all the family, friends and colleagues) and read quite a few articles which claims to be feminist but were more stereotyped.

But, as I grow old, I start seeing those inequalities (which you have mostly read about just in news). For example, watching the maid discriminating between her girl and boy child or being discriminated by her family etc. Watching educated people making ridiculous comments just to get what they wanted.

And I turn into a feminist. A feminist who would like to promote equality, equality which gives both men and women equal opportunities, equal freedom and equal respect. Not a men bashing feminist, as I feel that percentage of men and women believes in inequality is similar. 

And I started feeling good about the day. A day which reminds everyone to contribute to the cause.

A Happy Women's day to all

Satyamev Jayate - Female Foeticide

Yeah, I am talking about the first episode of Satyamev Jayate, which I think have disturbed at-least 80% of girls, who watched it, at-least for a while. 

I was one of them. I watched it in the middle of night and got soo disturbed for being a part of such society, being a part of propagation of such evils, by silently ignoring it, by accepting people in our social circle, who desires a boy child for that stupid reasons. 

Most of us know at-least one person in our extended family & friends, who truly believes in superiority of boy child over girl and propagate such thinking.  And what we do about it, just ignore their opinion in such matter as being old fashioned. But, it won't let that person realize that they r doing a crime by having sch attitude. And accepting such people in our society, we are being part of propagating such evils. Why not boycott such people from our society, similar to boycotting a serial killer, who believes killing is good ? We don't do that, we all are equally guilty for making such evils acceptable in society by making such people acceptable in our social circle.

Every time, I think about it, it make me feel soo bad. But, for how long - a couple of hours,a day at-max. We get disturbed by such things, we talk about it, then we just ignore it, since we are fortunate enough not to be a victim of such things. Since, we are the fortunate ones, who got a family where such evils do not exist. 

But, do we deserve to be the fortunate ones ? As we are anyway wasting all the fortune by not doing and not trying to do anything significant. I know I am not good enough to make any significant contribution in eradicating such evils. But, I am not good enough for PhD either. I am doing Phd, just because I am enjoying it and I don't care about being good at it. 

So, why not try eradicating such evils ? Atleast, I will feel good for not being a part of it ..... [something to think about after PhD (don't wanna to leave things in between :()]

Appreciation or Embarrassment

Most of you would have watched the joke about arrange marriages in some television series. Guy's family come to the girl's house to see the girl. Girl's parents serve them lot of snacks and claims that everything is cooked by her. In-fact, all the paintings in the hall is her creations etc. etc.

Wait, I don't wanna discuss arrange marriages and their showing off girls part. What I am trying to  understand is the reasons of false credits. Are the parents proud of their girl or they are embarrassed of her not knowing cooking, painting etc. etc well enough.

I know, it is an extreme example, but people give false credits to their loved ones all the times. And I never understood it at all. Sorry, but my mom is a bit too honest, who won't try and brag about the first dish i cooked, since it was looking too bad :p. It made me feel, that all these things are not important. She loves me and proud of me for what I am. For me, false credits are result of embarrassment.

I am talking about the false credits given by the people who loves you, so sarcasm is completely out.

But, then what does it mean ? That you are not good enough without all those things (for which you have been awarded false credits) ? That you should have done that ? and they are embarrassed that you didn't do that (and / or cannot do that) ?

I know, I am becoming a bit too harsh. But, I can not find any other reason for false credits :(. 

Another awesome day at Weowna Park

Initially when I got the apartment at SE part of Bellevue, I was a bit disappointed. The 37th street you need to take to reach here, is soo confusing with confusing forks, unexpected U-turns and missing paved shoulder pedestrian way till hotel.

After exploring the area on foot, i started liking it. The area consists of soo many small trails for non-hiker like me. Last week i discovered that the I-90 underpass has a paved pedestrian way and then there is a mountain-to-sound trails which runs along I-90. Its cool to walk in a tunnel with cars zooming in and out and along the freeway.

Today I went to a trail in Weowna park. It is small park with old growth forest, walking distance from my place. It has various small simple trails for random walking into the woods. Infact, it is among the perfects place for a nice refreshing walk. It is a NOT a park with well maintained garden, which puts this pressure of presenting yourself properly before others, and the pressure of trying to be perfect and pressure to follow social conventions and formalities. It is NOT a not-et-all maintained thick forest, which is soo tough to explore and represent complete cut-off from society and being completely uncultured. It is a park with old growth forest, but has a nice trail and forest is just maintained enough to make it safe and easy to explore. It is just soo peaceful to walk in here, it seems the trees took all your worries, you just feel like at home. And it is soo green and weather was just perfect :)

The day didn't end just with that, the awesome walk is followed by a drive to kirkland waterfront. The two things I miss most in delhi - lake and forest - I just love Redmond for this :)

Then finally ended the day by watching "The Dark Knight Rises" at IMax, Seattle, an awesome movie and the best place to watch it .... The day could not have been any better ....

A free bird

Sometimes I get this dream of flying in the sky, literally flying in the sky. In order to catch something a bit higher, i jump trying to catch it and to my surprise, i started flying. First it seems I can reach up to the target and again to my surprise, i kept on flying as high as i want with such an ease. It seems i can also change my direction using a slight weight shift as in paragliding; no doubt I always wanted to learn paragliding. I can descent up to a height i wanted and ascent again. It feels like I am a free bird, fly in the open sky without any worries and sadness.

It always filled me with enthusiasm, energy, confidence and motivation.

Even in life it seems all the barriers that stop us are actually just made by us. If we really want to do something, we will figure out the way to do it. We just have to try and believe in it.

My philosophy of life is simple; I don't want to complain at the end that I didn't do it, because of someone (family, finance, government policies). I would rather say, I did everything I wanted. If the result is not good enough I am solely responsible for it and anyways watever the end would be, i would be happy that i enjoyed the journey :)

Life is all about taking risks

To have a life full of happiness, you should not be afraid of sorrows.

To get immense love from someone, you should not be afraid of being hated.

To be closest to someone, you should not be afraid of being half world away.

To reach the peak of success, you should not afraid of falling in valley of failures.

Being brought up in a businessman family, i enjoy the life filled with ups and down instead of a plain perfect monotonous routine. Due to same reason i do not wanna be perfect, it is the little imperfections which makes life interesting by sometimes bringing unexpected success or failures with it.

Joined Phd...what for ?

Finally after working in software industry for 4 & 1/4 years (I know it sounds a lot, I could have gotten a five year memento in just 10 more months), I joined a Phd program in Jan 2011.

I am still not sure whether it was a good decision or bad, but I liked someone's lines:

"Everyday we decide to do something and we decide not to do something"....there is no point analyzing much.

Although I always had a dream to do Phd, I had never thought about it seriously and it is still an impulsive decision.

Somewhere in my heart, I have a dream of being a professor. I believe a good professor can have a big impact in the surrounding area. I believe that if we try, India can be best in Education Industry can have a Stanford. I just want to try my best to attain it, and I am happy to have a dream which may not be fulfilled in my life so that I will have something to motivate me till end.

A smaller reason is I also like to read. I am loving reading papers during my phd. I also like to discuss it with everyone who have enough patience to listen me :P. But, I know I am bad at writing, and I do not know about innovation. And I am not sure if I can come up with something of my own. But, I do not care about other stuff and enjoying my reading till now.

Another reason, which may seems stupid is, for me phd also seems like journey of making peace with myself in my life. I want to attain enough knowledge to accept myself and others the way they are and develop some patience. There are some people, who has peace on their face, who are so calm, seems they can handle everything peacefully without getting much frustrated. I just wanna to be like them. That does not mean that accept everything, but try their best to change it without frustrating.

For me, till now, phd seems to be a way to accept that even simple things are not that easy.

Worst of me...

Bura jo dekhan me chala, bura na milya koi....

Jo man khoja aapna, to mujhse bura na koi...

After a long time, I got some time with myself in this last 3-4 months. And it seems it made me realize various new facts about myself.

Since last 3-4 months, every-time I got irritated or angry on someone's behavior, I realized I also behaved in the similar way some other time. This realization at first make me feel more irritated to myself, then confused, then blank. Doesn't know anymore what is correct and what is not. It seems like you do not know yourself et all. And instead of loving yourself,  you will be the last person to get approved by yourself. Then you start trying to find excuses, but your mind is no longer working...

Still confused what to do, accept all those things just because you are worse than that. Or keep not approving it & don't approve yourself as well, when you do it...Somehow don't feel like accepting it...hope the frequency of disapproving myself decrease with time...

Cafe..that makes my day every time, I visit there...

One of the many things that Seattle has given me is love for the coffee. I am not et all a coffee person, but a small walk with a nice dry cappuccino is enough to make my day.

I tried various coffee places in India - cafe mocha, cafe coffee day, barista, costa coffee etc., but could not find that taste and accepted that I won't find that coffee here. Thanks to Abhas, who found this nice cafe, just 15 mins walk from my hostel - Gloria Jean's Cafe. They make it exactly the way I used to have in Seattle.

A Saturday evening could never have been better than walking from the cafe to my hostel while sipping my cappuccino. Feeling happy & peaceful & have forgotten all the worries and loneliness. 

Seattle funjunkies

I think Valentine's day is a good opportunity to tell people that you really care about them; that you love the fact that they are there for you and want to thank them for all they have done in your life.

One such group for me is Seattle fun-junkies. I talked many times about how they helped me settle in Seattle & made my stay there a beautiful memory. Today I wanna talk about their part in our life - me & Abhas. I met Abhas through them; we get to know each other through them, during the dinners, coffee walks, trips, b'day parties etc. Even after wedding, we stayed in India just for a couple of weeks - which also went in meeting a new family almost every day. Our main married life started in Redmond with these folks. The wedding reception I remember is with these people; the formal one - I was too tired and too busy to feel anything. I remember few guests started coming before them, and I got worried but as soon as they came, they took care of everything. They presented a nice play as well (I want a copy of it :(). 

Their company used to define all the celebrations. They were with us in all the events big, small, happy and sad. Sometimes, I feel the apartment as our home because of them. It was fun having dinner, watching movie, watching talent show :P, planning long weekend trip (like solving NP hard problem), planning b'day parties etc. with them. 

Only due to them I was able to stay in Seattle without Abhas for a month. They made sure that I am never alone in the evening and never had to have dinner alone. 

This valentine We just wanted to say - you guys are the awesomest friends. 

Keep rocking - Seattle funjunkies.... 

Falling in love all over again

Two years after the marriage, we decided to go back to school. But, that means living apart for a year, since Abhas has joined MBA program at Paris & I came to IITB for PhD.

Now, I am in Mumbai for more than a month and the first question anyone asks me is how am I feeling without him? Surprisingly, I am doing well; I do not feel like he is far from me. It feels like I went back to pre-wedding days; back to girlfriend mode. And it seems I am falling in love with him all over again :).

I keep reading his small mails over and over again, keep waiting for his call, talking endlessly on phone – I do not remember and it doesn’t matter what we talk about. I just love talking and I just feel he is with me all the time.

Sometimes I feel I found nirvana…hehe…I know it is just because the world has become smaller and more connected :).

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

My Rabbit

It was not just my car; it was my sense of independence, a good company in gloomy days... 

So, in Feb 2007 - i finally managed to learn driving. I still remember Sardarji (my driving instructor) shouting at me "Give the gas", "push accelerator"... 

After getting license, I started looking for a car. I wanted a reasonable priced car for a couple of years. Almost everyone suggested me to buy a used Toyota or Honda. Somehow I didn't feel excited about it. I checked couple of used cars, but as soon you enter the car, you feel that it is someone else’s and you are driving it just for the sole purpose of transportation. So, used cars have been eliminated. I checked almost every model that fit in my range - Mazda2, Nissan Versa & Sentra, Toyota corolla, Honda fit etc. Although Honda & Toyota were most reliable, every other guy had it, and it is boring. Nissan and Mazda were strictly ok. Then, one day UJ randomly told me about Volkswagen rabbit. Next day I went for test drive, I fell in love with it at first test drive. It felt like MY car, a small 2 door hatchback (exactly as I wanted) car, with nice pick-up, 150 hp engine (better than civic). Everyone told me not to buy it - VW is not that reliable, its 2 door - so problematic when your parents will come, etc. etc. But, I knew - that was MY RABBIT. 

I had awesome time with my rabbit. I used to love driving my rabbit; it was not a surprise that it got 12,000 miles in first year :). It played a major role in developing the feeling of independence in me. With my rabbit with me, I do not need any other company. Many times, when I felt lonely, I used to just take my rabbit and go on for a drive in the woods of the evergreen Redmond. With my rabbit with me - I won't think twice before going to a place couple of hundreds of miles away, anytime of the day, driven by some stupid impulsive idea. I just loved driving my rabbit to the beautiful road to hurricane ridge and lake crescent, around the ocean in San Juan Island etc. 

With Seattle, I have to leave my Rabbit as well. But, I am happy that it has been bought by another rabbit lover (the guy used to own a Rabbit earlier in Spain and was looking specifically for Rabbit). 

Even if somehow I would manage to learn driving in Indian traffic, and get a car, but I do not think anyone can take place of my rabbit.

Palace Of Illusion

I came to Redmond 4 years ago just after finishing my college. I joined my first job and started my independent life. I learnt all real life fundaes, started taking decisions by my own, started finding rules of my life, started managing my own finances etc. It is like I found my own small world in this evergreen state.

I met Abhas, got married and started my married life here. We set up or little home. I do not know, when do I started feeling more homely here than in Indore.

Now, while going back, I sometime get confused whether I am going home or I am going away from MY home. I feel like this is my "Palace of illusions", which I will always miss my whole life.

Bainbridge island

After long time, I had awesome weekend. I got up at 10:30 am, had awesome tea and breakfast. Then watched the remaining part of the movie "The game". It was bright, drizzling outside (a typical Seattle weather, again after a long time). We thought of going for a walk, then Abhas found out about this cool park in Seattle - Bloedel reserve at Bainbridge island. You need reservation to go there, but you can get same day reservation. We got reservation at 12 and park was going to close at 4. We got ready quickly and reached at ferry termial in Seattle at 1:10 and just missed the ferry. Next ferry was at 2:10. Ferry was beautiful, you can see full Seattle skyline from the ferry. We reacheds at the park at 2:35. It started raining, but the park was looking more green and awesome in rain. After 3 years, I started loving Seattle's rainy weather. The park was beautiful, it was nice combination of seattle forest type trees and well maintained japanese garden. The best part was walking in the lust green park in light rain. If you are visiting Seattle, it is a nice place to cover with downtown.

Bungee jumping

Yeeee.....


It was in my list for long time. For me the main motivation was, I wanted to try whether I could jump by myself from a bridge into a river [:O], and was pretty sure I cannot do it, but still I wanted to try. All of us have some fear in our life. The fears in conscious mind are easier to handle as they are temporary. While we also have some fears in our sub-conscious mind, it always remains there, so even though we know nothing is going to happen, we cannot stop feeling scared. Even though our logical mind is telling we are safe, but sub-conscious mind doesn't hear all those logics, it just knows that we should not jump from a bridge. We generally get this dream that we fell from height, and it wakes us up. So, even though our logical mind tells us that it is soo damn easy, believe me it was tough to jump by urself.


So, thisweekend we went to whistler (Vancouver). The bridge was made up of iron rods between two hills. There was a beautiful river flowing below the narrow bridge. It was winter time, so mountains were covered with snow, and so the parts of river. It was awesomely beautiful. They tied me with a rope. OMG I couldn't put my foot at the corner of the bridge, that feeling of falling down (you know we never go the end point of mountain, fearing that we might fall). But, after 2 minutes I balanced myself at the end point. They started counting down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 but I am still on bridge [:)]...how can I jump from a bridge?

Then Abhas started shouting JUMP, JUMP, DONT THINK ANYTHING.....I have realized I wanted to do bungee jumping for that only....I wanted to forget about all of the worries in the life....I wanted to feel how it feels to be really free...nothing matters now....I always dreamed of flying freely in the sky with nothing else in my life....I started feeling free.... I felt the wind....I looked at those mountains... it was soo peaceful and I jumped...........


Now it is different thing that I shouted at my full voice after jumping (I didn't do anything, it happened), but after a sec I was soooooooooo awesome.... I was in between those snow covered mountains, the river was awesome.....I felt peaceful....

I took me more than an hr to get back my senses [:P]...

But, surely that was an awesome weekend....

Why it happens ?

We enter a new surroundings (new school, new college, new work place), we are bit excited, bit nervous, and kind of lonely. Then, we find friends among strangers. And without realizing they become an important part of our life and we don't feel lonely any more. Then the session ends and everyone splits and we come to this new place. We get new friends, but we do still miss those old times, old friends. We don't fight with them anymore, we feel soo awesome to talk to them even for a couple of minutes in a month, we read those old mails again and again. Why do we miss them ? And an even worse situation is, when they move on and you left at the same place, now the place reminds you of them more often and now you miss them more, you miss calling them often while going home...we miss talking to them endlessly, cribbing to them....

I think that is the reason our parents miss us more when we left home, since they still live at same place where they r soo used to of seeing us and the place seems soo empty without us. But, now it seems to have a solution, they should also move on.... move to a new place... I know it is not possible (I know I am becoming more practicle person, & i hate it [:(])

Maa

Me kabhi batlata nahi, par andhere se darta hoon me maa...

yu to me dikhalata nahi, teri parwah karta hoon me maa...

tujhe sab he pata, he na maa...

tujhe sab he pataaaaaaa, meri maa...

bheed me yu na chodo mujhe, ghar laut ke bhi aa na pau maa...

bhej na itna door mujhko tu, yaad bhi tujhko aa na pau maa...

kya itna bura hoon me maa....

kya itna buraaaaaaaa, meri maa...

jab bhi kabhi, papa mujhe jo jor se jhula jhulate he maa....

meri nazar dhunde tujhe, sochu yahi tu aake thamegi maa...

unse se ye kehta nahi, par me saham jaata hoon me maa...

chere pe aane deta nahi, dil hi dil me ghabrata hoon me maa...

tujhe sab he pata, he na maa...

tujhe sab he pataaaaaaaaaa, meri maa...

me kabhi batlata nahi, par andhere se darta hoon me maa...

yu to me dikhalata nahi, teri parwah karta hoon me maa...

tujhe sab he pata, he na maa...

tujhe sab he pataaaaaaaa, meri maa....

One of the best song of one of the best movie. It is among the very rare movies, which touched my heart. Its soo true, mom understand us more than ourself. We feel so calm, peaceful, confident, couragious, full of life with her. No depression and tension can survive before her. No person and nothing matter more than her. We don't need words to convey our feelings to her. She is the only person on the earth, who will feel happy about the stupid things we do. She is the only one who will be happy to listen all our stupid talks endlessly. She is the only one, we cannot hide anything from. It is a merciless and competitive world, who has no place for ur feelings and dreams, she is the only one, who can understand it and have belief in it.

Luv u mom......

Coffee cup

I m bored of shopping....
It actually started in june.....First some shopping for my parents visit. Then shopping of gifts with my parents for friends & family in India, also my b'day shopping [:)].
Then after a couple of months, shopping for my India trip, then shopping for myself in India (i love shopping in INDIA). I don't wanna to do any more shopping for atleast an year.


But, I need a coffee cup to start my day in office with a gud Indian style ginger tea.

Having someone to miss...

Why we wanna to have people, whom we miss ? Sometimes I feel, its better to have noone that important & close in our life, whom we may miss later on....

A beautiful day....

It was an awesome day....

After a long time, I got up at 8:00 am. Got ready for office, cook lunch and had breakfast peacefully, without any hurry.

Went to cafe for a coffee at 3:00pm, found that weather is really awesome, its cool, windy (around 25 mph), couldn't sit in office after that. So, came home, had ginger tea & maggi, did work from my apt's balcony, feeling awesome wind. In evening went out for short walk, its still fall season, cool winds was blowing, road was covered with colorful leaves, red, yellow, brown, green....its soo beautiful. Missed MM [:(] and lake side walk, to compensate it, talked to reena [:)]...MM and Powai lake reminded me of kirkland waterfront. So, went thr. It was also beautiful, it was time of sunset, with high waves in water of lake washington and cool fundoo wind....with noone around......I had cold and know its bad for me, but could not resist.....nice walk near lake shore, thought of my life, found some new hopes and dreams.....Came back after sunset...Its not the end...watched an awesome movie- "A walk to remember"....cleaned my room after long time (u can't imagine, how peaceful it is to sleep in a clean room after long time)....And finally with peaceful and happy mood, get back to work....

Overall awesome day....An awesome day with fundoo walk, movie and food with amazing company of myself....

Filhaal....

A zindagi...

ye lamha jee lene de...

pehle se likha, kuch bhi nahi...

roz naya kuch, likhti he tu...

jo bhi likha he, dil se jiya he...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

masoom se hashi, bevajah hi kabhi,

hoto par khil jaati he...

anjan si khusi, behti hui kabhi sahil par mil jaati he...

ye anjaana sa dar, ajnabi he magar,

khoobsurat he, jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

dil hee me rehta he, aankho me behta he,

kaccha sa ek khawab he....

lagta sawaal he, sayad jawab he,

dil phir bhi betaab he....

ye sukun he to he, ye junoon he to he,

khoobsoorat he, jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

pehle se likha kuch bhi nahi...

roz naya kuch likhti he tu...

jo bhi likha he, dil se jiya he...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

ye lamha filhaal jee lene de...

Awesome lines....I just love it.....

Ever smiling life with few blue moments

I wanna to have a life with ever smiling face most of time like an ever smiling bear but I also like to cry like crazy sometimes....

I wanna to have a really busy day, in which i won't remember even a cup of tea, but I also wannna some time to just relax, doing nothing...

I wanna to be too strong person who won't be shaked even slightly in most difficult situation, but sometimes I wanna to loose myself completely, to be the most weekest person....

I wanna to be around people, doing everything together, but I also wanna to be alone sometimes, far from everyone....

I wanna to have a life, in which I could find happiness in every moment, but I like few blue moments as well...

Micchami Dugdam

Please forgive me for all my faults and mistakes, which I ever did. Please forgive me, if I ever hurt you knowingly or unknowingly. Please forgive me, since I never intent to hurt you, it occured due to my inperfection. Please forgive me, since forgiveness is the greatest virtue. If you wanna to scold me, before forgiving, do it, but forgive me. If you think I haven't realized my mistake, tell me, but forgive me. If you think, I m not worth talking to, don't talk to me, forget me, but forgive me. Your forgiveness help me start my life afresh, with new dreams and hopes for future, without having any burden of past sins.


Uttam Kshama. Forgiveness is the greatest virtue. So, collect all your courage, say sorry to everyone, you know you have hurt, or you think you might have hurt. And start your life afresh again.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kshamavaani

Those are the best days of my life...

Some very small incidents which are among my most precious and sweetest memories:

One month left for 10th board exams, PL started, we decided to study in nights. So, left home at 8:00pm, went to everyone's home (even if it in opposite corners, just an excuse for a nice walk on summer night), finally gathered at one place at 10:00. Then big discussion about wat is important, wat shd we study tonight......its 11:00. Mumma, we r sleepy, another excuse to get tea (otherwise tea was not allowed at tat time). So, a round of tea & bread and general chatting. Its 12:00. Its high time, we should start study now. Group study, lots of irrelevant discussion, 1/2 hr job took 2 hrs. Ohh its 2 now, we have studied enough, shd sleep now. Its not a single day story, its same schedule full month [:)] and during exam as well.

On a rainy day (indore's heavy rain), while going to school on cycle, wearing raincoat, realized no one wanted to go school, just that they could not inform others, so decided to go. So, halfway down the school, a movie plan came, so without worrying abt raincoat, rain or uniform, headed towards theatre, waited outside theatre for 2 hrs for one of my best movie ("Pyar to hona hi tha"). Really, One the best movie plans i had.

Will keep adding....

Pure Dreams

As I am used to of saying: Dreams are the most beautiful thing on earth. And among dreams, the dreams we know never come true, i love the most. They are pure dreams. There aren't any hopes and expectations associated with those dreams, and those are the two things which are the main reason of getting hurt. So, such dreams can never hurt us, can never depress us, these are really sweet and beautiful dreams.

Whenever we are feeling bit down, just start thinking about the dreams, just imagine its true, we start feeling happy again. And since we know these dreams can never be true, imagining about these dreams do not increase any hopes & expections (since these values are null with such dreams).

Those are really pure dreams, and helps you to have your smile with you always. Is anything else important than tat ? And tats why they r one of the role model of my life.

Ourself

Most difficult task to face ourself, to fulfill our own expectations, to meet the standards set by us for our own, to be satisfied by ourself...

We may face people, but not ourself sometimes....

We may not accept things before others, but can we really do it with ourself....

We may lie to others, but how to ourselfs.....

We may fulfill others expectations, but it difficult to fulfill our own expectations and our standards of life set for our own....

We may give excuses to others, but they also don't work for ourself.....

Its perfect that others can never understand us fully, but its really frustrating to not understand ourself....

My current focus is to make myself atleast satisfied of me....then i will work for achievement [:)]

Yo !!! Clean home, no backlog work....completely free mind

A messy room and a number of pending work (may be small like writing few mails) affects your mind, energy of work. I realized it very well during last week. Had a lot of pending work like writing few mails, paying some bills (pain of living away from family, have to everything by urself), preparing some tax documents etc, my room was complete mess. Due to which, couldn't relax properly, couldn't work properly...just wasted time.

But finally this weekend, cleaned full home properly, completed all pending works, & here I m, fulltoo chilling, watching movie with completely free mind no tension, and haan how could i forget that mid night maggi and tea [:)]. Got fully recharged for the week. Hopefully it remain for atleast a couple of more weeks, so that this time I will complete my features on schedule...

no more backlogs plzzz....

The post is just to start writing again....yooooooooooo i m back on schedule.....

The woman in your life

Got this fwd a few days back....really very well expressed...

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as
human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary
achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people
who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your
family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you
sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment
and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and
cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are,
maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a
cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning
just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy
at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if
she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men
at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is
willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational
jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like
yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her
some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she
knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities
and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

Friends

Friendship is one of the most beautiful relation. Our family is given to us by birth, and we got our values and nature from our family. So, we are always compatible with our family. But, friends are the people chosen by us from the huge world of widely different natured people. Friend is a person who must have certain similarities and certain differences with our nature.


"Our similarities make us friends and our differences make it interesting."


But finding a balance between similarities and differences is tough thing. We find people with various gud qualities. but their always certain differences which may hurt u sometimes. Now the decision which difference are ok, which differences you think shd not have.


For example, I may not like my friend making fun of me, bashing about me with other people when i am not there. (It does not include sometimes teasing your friend). But I never appreciated making fun of or gossiping about weakness of other people. Wat they wanna to prove by this ? I also cannot appreciate people making fun of or gossiping about my friend before me, just to prove they are better than them or wat may be the reason ? If someone got hurt due to some behavior of my friend and sharing it with me, then it is different. But generally bashing or gossiping for just some of your enjoyment can never be appreciated.

So, this may be a difference of opinion, for someone it is just fun, enjoyment, nothing serious, nothing for hurting. They may also be right.

So, now it is tough decision to find gud weightage of their gud qualities and difference in opinion.

Been Hired

Should we feel happy about been hired by a gud company for a gud salary ? Or feel sad about letting someone else own our time, our activities, our creativity, our life (for at least 8 hr/day). We who say- I do watever I like to do, I don't wanna anyone dominating me. I remember the night before civil engg. course end sem. I had read just 1 unit out of 5, still chatted with my brother whole night, just because i didn't wanna to study. Going out for ice cream on dec. night, even when i had cold, just because i wanted to have it at tat time only. We who never wanted someone else making decision for us. I remember arguing my grand parents when they wanted me to travel next day instead of tat day, just because i didn't liked anyone else forcing their decision on me.


And I am the one who accepted the offer of been hired without questioning it once, and the irony is I was happy about it. Just because i hadn't taken it this way. At tat time it seemed so common and usual. But it is ok for that time, i must have this experience also.


So, now i go to office daily, work whole day even when i don't wanna to go or work, just because i am being paid for it. Can we work with full efficiency with such a motivation ? And after 4 months i have realized, i can work with my full efficiency only when I work for myself, when i own my time & activity, when i work only when i like, not under any other pressure. I remember some of my assignments during college days. The deadline was near, so i had to work even when i didn't felt like. So, couldn't work with full enthu & couldn't find solution. I gave up, decided not to submit the assignment and prepared myself for losing grade (even dropping course in worst case). Then started feeling fresh, no tension & pressure. Then tried to solve the problem just for myself and when i felt to work on it. And i got solution much before deadline. Only when we let our self work watever we like and whenever we like, then only throughput can be max. Feeling of someone else making decision on what I should work on, when I should work on, kills my enthu to work. Feeling of working under compulsion reduces motivation.


I don't know why it is only me, who got these feelings ? Is it like i am defending myself ? Or is it due to i belong to a business family, used to the environment where everyone work for their own ? Or due to the environment where I have been brought up, never had any restriction or compulsion ? I am not sure of the reason right now. The best thing for now is to try to prove myself in current environment. I will definitely learn a lot in the process. Then i will be sure tat i am made not to work for anyone else but only for myself :).

Perception

Every life has a purpose. All we have to do is find purpose of our life and then accomplish it. Then there must be people whose purpose is to show the worst scenario of living the life without purpose.

what we see depend only on our attitude & perception.

First deserve then desire

How much is the ordering between getting reward and qualifying test for it affects its impact ? ?


The most common saying is "First deserve then desire". This is best for the people who have clear goals in life. So, they define their goals, work hard yo achieve it and finally get it. It gives real feeling of accomplishment, feeling of really owning your life i.e. you are what you wanted to be.


Then there is other category of people also who are not so sure of their goals. They are bit confused, so they try to get what seems best at the present moment (do not try that hard to get it and do not know about its contribution to their final goal). Sometimes they also get the reward with their little efforts. But their isn't any free lunch, so then they have to prove themselves to be worthy of it. It is tougher now then proving before getting reward. Since now they have to compete with the people belong to first category, who have already proven them and habitual of hard work. So there are two main hurdles - 1) Overcoming starting inertia. 2) Extra pressure due to increased expectations (including our own expectations). Sometimes these may lead to extreme depression also which is less likely in first category. But if you can prove now, you would get the feeling of being worthy, get inspiration of nothing is impossible, get high confidence on yourself & positive attitude (which may help overcoming next depression).


So, both ordering are equally fair but very different outcomes. So, its up to us to decide which outcome we want, actually depend on our ability of goal setting.

Real life play

My life here till now, reminded me of the play we used to play in childhood - ghar ghar [:)].


In tat play, we used to make house for our doll, then decorate it. I had smaller version of most of things we use, like small sofa, bed, tv, iron, almirah, refrigerator, all kitchen utensils etc. Then the doll cook food, go to work, shopping etc...


Its a common routine, but sometimes nowadays I feel like I m still playing that game, just the size of things has been changed. I searched an apartment, bought some utilities (like I used to buy toys for my doll's house). I do some experiments in cooking also (like I used to make something from the choclates & cookies in my doll's kitchen). It is fun.


It is like trying to make the apartment home. But a doll's house can never be a home. My home will remain in Indore where my parents are and where I will be back at the end of the play.


But for now I m having fun in the play... and wanna to play it some more time [:)].

Hurting Loved ones

Why it happen tat the people we love most, we hurt them most ? ?


Is it due to converse ? We got hurt most by people, we love, because we don't care abt others. Or we cannot hide our feelings from the people we love. We can share our happiness with anyone, but not our sorrows. We cannot fight or shout at anyone, even if we r angry abt wat they did. So, when we r furious on someone whom we cannot fight, or ourself (most of the time about wat we did), tat anger always vent on our loved ones. It generally happens tat they call us exactly at the same time when we r too angry (I can't figure out how it occur with prob. 1), then we vent all our furocity on them by shouting & fighting with them. They listen us patiently, calm us down. How can they be so cool, or they knew tat we were not actually angry on them ?


Now when we r calm, we realized we had hurt them so finally tat hurt us also. In this new year my next resolution is to try not to hurt them more.

Opportunities

God not always shield us from all sorrows & pains,
But strengthen us to bear it as it comes;
He not always makes our path easy,
But makes us sturdy to to travel any path;
He not always take hardships from us,
But takes fears from our heart;
He not always grant unbroken sunshine,
But teach us to keep our face bright, even in shadow;


I had just finished reading a book. I love reading books because it make me think about myself, mylife, give me new hopes, dreams & enthu.


I always believe God always gives us challenges, to teach us and make us the best. We have to only accept the challenge with courage & try our best to succeed. Then God will make sure tat we will eventually succeed.


If I think of any problem I faced in life, any tough times, I realized tat later on I have learnt alot from all of then. I would not have learn anything if I always got easy life. Every problem gives us opportunity to explore a new solution space, learn something new. He put us in different conditions, where we initially thought we cannot survive, then comes extreme level of depression, but if we won't giveup till end then finally comes success, feeling of accomplishment.


So, in this new year, I will try to take every challenge couragiously and then work hard without giveup for the success.


A happy new year to all of you. May all of you get some really nice challenges & success in the year.

Snowfall

It was awesome.

It was an usual day, I winded up my work at office at around 6:00 & headed towards home. At the gate, security officer warned me to be careful on my way back. I was surprised. When I came out, I saw the whole path, trees & enerything is covered with white snow and it is still falling from sky - soft, white snow. It was too beautiful. I had seen it first time. I got too excited. Took as little steps as I can, to the bus stop, so tat i can walk more on tat snow fall [:)]. When I entered my community, I saw small kids playing in snow, wanna to join them, but don't know why dismissed the idea. My balcony is alo covered with snow. I also enjoyed snowfall there. Tat was soo fundoo, wanted to be thr forever, but tat was cold also, so have to come back to my room. But, I had full glass pane from where I could see snowfall, trees & rooftops covered with snow. I has tea & pakoda (pure indian style) & enjoyed the snowfall from room [:)].

Diwali in Seattle

October 21, 2006

It was just a day I came from India and Diwali came. I was all alone in the apartment, so feeling lonely. But diwali gave me enthu. I got up early in the morning i.e. 8:00am. First task was to find an Indian store from where I can buy ghee, milk, salt etc. Around 10:00am I got down of my apartment and meet an Indian girl. She not only told me the directions of nearest Indian store, but also took me there in her car, told me about different types of milk, gave some fundae about the city. Really so sweet of her.


In the evening, iitb friends (who also joined with me) came to my place. I cooked vegetable (which burnt) and simple daal & rice. We lighted candles, did pooja and then had experimental food (good people ate without complaining [:)]). After two days in Redmond, there r people to talk to. They also gave me some fundae about place, some do's and don't, showed how to use dishwasher. It was nice evening, not feeling lonely anymore.

From Seattle Airport to my apartment

October 19, 2006


This is the part of which I was afraid most in my journey. The task was simple, I had to pick a taxi from Seattle airport to timberlawn apartment, Redmond from where I had to collect the key of my temp. apartment which was also supposed to be at timberlawn. But for me, a girl from small town, it was a big task to take a cab to the apartment, in a completely new country with different people where I didn't kew anyone. I can travel alone at 12:00pm in mumbai, but tat time traveling alone at 5:00 seemed to be tough. My recruiter and relocation specialist assured me tat it is a nice city and its really safe and it may also happen tat I may got a sardar taxi driver. But still I was afraid.


After reaching airport, I tried to call friends here, but both were busy and no reply. Then, I took a taxi to timberlawn, Redmond. The taxi driver was a muslim from philistine. He was talkitive, talking continuously whole way, asking questions about me, which increased my tension. The reason may be I m not talkitive and friendly. Anyways, I had driving directions with me, but could not follow it properly. If I found some signs which were mentioned in direction, i felt relaxed. Finally we entered 40th street and reached timberlawn apartment. I felt relieved. The taxi driver was nice person, he asked me check the keys first but I paid him and told him tat its fine, i will do tat. I picked the keys and ready to find the apartment.


But, this is not the end, a new bigger problem was waiting for me. My temporary apartment had been changed from timberlawn to trails of redmond. I was completely lost again, it was above 7:00 pm, timberlawn office had been closed, and its dark outside. I had contact number of friends, whom I may call if i would lost, but there wasn't any coin box. The taxi had gone. I cursed myself for not checking the key before leaving taxi.


I found a guy there whom I asked the direction, bu he also didn't knew it. I checked key packed again and thankfully found a map. Trails of Redmond is near timberlawn at the same 40th street. I started walking towards my destination with 2 trolley bags in my hands, one shoulder bag and a handbag.


It was dark with no one on roads, just few cars running. Unlike India, apartmenst r at distant, no one walking on road, no one standing outside their apartment. It was really a lifetime experience for me. After walking enough, I could not found trails of redmond. I got too many thoughts in a couple of second. Wat if I could not found it ? There wasn't any phone or shop from where I could call anyone. While thinking all these, I was walking alone towards my destination. I crossed two microsoft campus entrance, but no one there also.


After walking few more minutes, I saw the board of trails of redmond at other side of the road. I was too happy & relieved. My apartmenst was near entrance. After entering in my apartment I got life again. Feeling safe and happy. No more afraid of new place.


I forgot to buy calling card from Airport, so called friend here to inform my parents. Cooked noodles and coffee and slept. But, it was a nice adventure for me [:)].

Flying from Mumbai to Seattle

October 19, 2006

After completing my masters in Mumbai, I got placed in MSN search, Redmond. The student life was the easiest part of my life. My actual journey has started on Oct 19, 2006 12:59 am (Mumbai time). I had flight from Mumbai to Seattle with one stop at Amsterdam.

Due to exertion before travel or tension (no one except mm knew tat i was bit afraid), headache (my true companion, always with me in all my problems) started on my way to airport. Dadiji, taiji, buagi, papa, sourabh and my 3 niece came to say goodbye at airport. But could not talk to anyone of them properly due to headache. It increased my tension, but i was telling papa to not to worry [:)]. Finally goodbyes and got in the NW airlines flight.

As I hadn't slept well from last 2 days, I slept as soon as settled on my seat and woke up only when plane landed at Amsterdam. There was 5 hr halt at Amsterdam. It was 7:16 in the morning and weather was lovely. I saw morning after long time (I used to wokeup at 11:00 at home). I roam around at airport all alone, window shopping at duty free shops, watching flights coming & going, watching people from different countries, had mathis (packed by taiji) and coffee. The flight to Seaatle was delayed by 3 hrs, so I took short nap [:)].

As, I slept alot in first half, second half of journey from Amsterdam to Seattle was gud. It was day time and I had window seat. While take off, seen Amsterdam, it was beautiful, green city with parallel roads on which cars were running in a row. After some time we were flying over clouds. Clouds over blue atlantic ocean seemed like a dream. Then we were above Denmark(Greenland). The view was awesome, brown mountains covered with white snow. It recalled me of neela's satellite images. At all other time, only white clouds can be seen, so saw garfield and had meal. But, veg. mean was some leafs and vegetables with cream and sauce, couldn't eat [:(]. But, had ice cream at the end [:)]. Landed at Seattle at 4:00 pm (Seattle time).

New journey of life

My journey of life started on 19th Oct. A new phase of life, in a completely new place, all alone. Having mixed feeling, excited, scared, uncertain. But strange thing is i m not tat enthu.

Expectations

Expectation is inversely proportional to happiness. More you expect and more you feel depressed when expectations are not fulfilled.

Life will be much simpler and easier if we stop expecting things from other people.

“Allow the world to live as it choose,
And allow yourself to live as you choose.”
-J. Crossman

Do whatever you like to do for others but should not expect anything in return. Lesser expectations lead to more happiness. But, is it tat easy to not to expect ? ? We start expecting unintentionally.

But still, if I accept truly, I never thought tat seriously about other’s expectations. Then I do not have any right to expect anything from others.

Also unexpected incidents give us more happinessJ. So why to expect ? ?

Thanks

This is the most frequently used word in any conversation. In return of a smallest favor (may not be a favor at all) to a big help, we will get the word thanks.

Today conversation, even between friends becomes too formal. Does in this era only formal and professional relations exist ? ?

Wat does the word represents ? just a formality. If someone helps us, we say thanks and everything ends. Is this single word enough ? You may argue that you wanna to show your gratitude. Then also, do we really need to show our gratitude with words to friends ? ? Do we really need to explicitly slow our feeling with words ? ? Wat message does it give ? tat you have just showed your gratitude but didn't felt any appreciation by heart. So, your friendship is not bound to heart.

Or in this era true friendship rarely exist ? ?

Dowry

Yeah it still exists...


We are in 21st centuary which talks about equality of boys and girls. In this generation girls are leading in every field. But still, women are harassed for dowry. Still we hear cases like abusing, injuring and even bride burning for dowry. There are also cases in which the bride had been harassed physically and mentally to the level that she had to commit suicide. And more shocking news is nowadays it is prevailing more in educated families. Day before today, I have read in a newspaper that a MBBS bride has been burnt for dowry by her mother in law.

Whose mistake is that ? ?
Her husband who supported his mothers view. Her mother in law who actually commited crime. Her parents who married her to that family and forget her. Or herself who doesn't opposed it.

I think it is bride's mistake and only she had to suffer. Why she agreed to marry such a person who was not capable of earning enough or who was soo greedy. First time they asked for any gift showed their basic mentality. Is the marriage that necessary that parents agree to push their daughter to hell.

Even if she didn't realize it before marriage, why didn't she oppose when first time they ask for dowry. Why she want to live with such people who are soo greedy and does not have any values. Basic nature of a person can never be changed. So, why she didn't left that home. Our religion says that we should respect elders but it also say that it is our duty to oppose wrong things. Not opposing a crime is a bigger crime. There are still girls who do not oppose such activities and so such evil yet exists in our society.

If our education system cannot provide enough courage to girls to oppose such activities, wat use it is of ? ?

Be yourself

Most difficult thing is to be yourself,
where everyone is trying to change you.

Feeling guilty

I can tolerate everything but anyone's rude behavior. Wat I think is instead of talking rudely, it's better not to talk. I too try not to talk harshly with anyone. But, sometimes we make mistakes without realizing it. And later (may be too late) when we realize it, we feel guilty.

I too feeling guilty now. I am free nowadays, so remembering some old incidents and suddenly realized I had behaved too rudely sometimes (may be many times) and that may hurt. If I was in their position, I would have hurt badly. I don't know why I did that, may be because I couldn't control my temper. Now, I am feeling too guilty about it. Once my friend even told me about it but still I didn't realized.

But, now I cannot help. I may feel less guilty, if I could say sorry to them. But, it is too late. They may have forgotten the incident and I don't wanna to hurt them again.

Do you think, I do not have enough courage to face them ? ? Believe me, it is more difficult to not to say sorry.

If you are one of them who got hurt and think I have realized, I am really sorry. But, if you think I haven't realized it, plz let me know...

Moments of Life

Wanna to start a new phase of life. Wanna to be myself. For a moment don't wanna to worry about others. Wanna to enjoy the moment to its fullest. Alone in my room, listening some very beautiful songs. Seeing drops of rains falling and enjoying the cool breeze and green leaves from my window. Wanna to write a beautiful poem which capture the moment forever. But I am not a poet [:)].

I realized how much I love myself, how much I enjoy company of myself. It may be situational, sometimes we need family and friends to share our joy, but there are moments we wanna to be alone and enjoy ourself.

Our Ultimate aim

Wat is our ultimate aim ? ?

People say it is name, fame, money, to own a company, do something for nation etc. Is any of these is our ultimate aim ? ? They are just milestones in our journey of life. Wat we actually need is a peaceful life. To be self satisfied with wat we had done. A life with caring family, friends & loved ones. A life which may have some tensions, some sad moments, but in those difficult times, friends shd be there to uplift us, to share our sorrows. We need to have an attitude tat take every difficulty as challenge and have courage to enjoy our efforts in overcoming those difficulties.

And then there are happy moments also, which always overweight those tough times. But the important thing is, in all such moments (happy/sad) our inner self should always be happy, satisfied. So, the ultimate aim is to live each and every moment of life to its fullest.

Is it really tat difficult to achieve this ? ? Is it tat difficult to forget the sad moments and always remember our every happy moments, sharing others happiness, it may include happiness of stranger. If we see a stranger celebrating his/her b'dayor any happiness, wishing him/her does not require much efforts, isn't ? ? We put lot of efforts to get name, fame, money, all other less important things in life. Can't we put small efforts for our ultimate goal. Whenever we c a person, remember his/her gud qualities, wat all he/she has done for u. Can't we give a small smile to him/her for all those things. Can't we just talked to him/her for few minutes. A sweet smile & hello can really do wonders. I remember a incident of my colllege days. I was depressed abt something, walking alone in the corridor. A guy (I know just as college mate) said hello with sweet smile as passed by me. I smiled (tat smile killed my depression). So, these small things when accumulated may change our life drastically.

Only these Small things can give us real feeling of happiness, a happy satisfied inner soul, tat can now climb all the high mountains of difficulties.

Wat more we need ....

Dream World

Dreams are the most beautiful thing on the earth. Then why is it not possible to change our definition of reality ? ? Why not to live in our dream world when bored of real world and back to real world only when bored of dream world ? ?

Think it this way, aren't there times when we get bored of real world, we get bored of monotonous routines, get bored of the people around us. At that moment change our definition of reality and enter our dream world. Do watever we like to do, we are everything there (Day dreaming, dreams controlled by us). Then only when we get bored of the happiness and wanna to have some adventure and struggle, come back to real world. It will be like : "Only when you lost something, you realize its value". Only when we go away from all the tensions and struggles in life, we will realize their value. Then come back to real world enjoy all tensions and struggles.

In conclusion, we will enjoy every moment of life. Isn't it worth trying ? ?